How to let go of your past!

How to let go of your past!

Are you having trouble figuring out how to let go of your past? Is living in your past making you feel like you’re taking the blessings in your present life for granted? Do you feel as though time is passing you by while you’re at a stand-still reliving emotional situations from your past?

If you would like to feel the FREEDOM and LIBERATION of letting go of any unnecessary baggage you’ve been lugging around for who-knows-how-long, then this is the article for you!

I’ll be covering:

• Is it possible to let go of the past entirely?
• How living in your past affects your loved ones and your present life
• Three steps on how to let go of your past
• The art of forgiveness can be accomplished through this process
• The most important person to forgive in order to let go of your past

Let me get one thing straight before I go on: I won’t cop to the whole, “You’ve experienced hardships to help make you stronger.” bullshit. It sucks that anyone has had to experience any kind of trauma in their lives and if it could all be erased, I’d do that for each of you. I figure the closest thing to erasing the shitty things that have happened to some people would be writing an article to help effectively let go of your past. I personally hold on to the “I’ve experienced hardships and now I’m stronger because of them” mindset, because it has helped me come to terms with my trauma by believing that it’s made me a stronger, wiser woman but I also understand if some people don’t feel this way.

Is it possible to let go of the past entirely?

As human beings, we’ve all struggled at one point or another with letting go of emotional and sometimes traumatic events that we’ve experienced in the past.

For example, I lost my father unexpectedly in September of 2014. The rage, despair, and self-loathing consumed me whole until I was completely submerged and lost my sense of self. It wasn’t until my daughter was born that I knew that love was still very much present in my life if I were willing to let it in.

What I believe is essential is not so much being able to let go of your past entirely, but being able to let it go enough for you to start living your best life. Do not let it define you anymore. 

I believe that it is possible to let go of your past and not let it define you so that you can create a better existence for yourself. Remember that everyone’s story and the way they process emotions are different, so what may work for you and me to move on from our past may not work for everyone else.

I believe it all depends on your mindset, what you’ve been through, and your willingness to let go that will be the judge of whether or not you’re able to successfully let go of your past and live in the present.

How does living in your past affect your loved ones and your present life?

Unfortunately, I never got the answers I felt needed to move forward from my father’s untimely demise. Still, I knew in my heart that even if I did find out exactly how he passed away, it wouldn’t bring him back in his physical form, and I was only hurting myself and my loved ones who were still alive by:

• Holding on to the “what ifs,” which meant I was never fully present, made my loved ones feel unnoticed.
• Taking my blessings, including my loved ones for granted, by not being fully present and aware.
• Being in constant fight or flight mode from experiencing trauma, which made my memory terrible, so I constantly forgot to keep in touch with loved ones which made them feel unloved. (Most loved ones did understand that I was going through a tough time.
• Feeling guilty for any wrongs I made in my past and for not working on being a better person for myself and my loved ones in the present.
• Using my trauma as an excuse to be a crappy person, doing and saying hurtful things to those who love me the most.

Can you relate to any of the examples above? It was time for me to let go. And it’s time for you to as well.

When I say, “let go,” I don’t mean that I’m letting go of my father’s memory but of all of the negative emotions that I was holding onto surrounding his death. Not saying that you won’t sometimes have memories that pop into your head and make you sad, because you probably will.

Some days, weeks, and months are easier than others. The same applies to the grieving process of any traumatic event you’ve experienced.

One vital thing to keep in mind through this transformational process is: be kind to yourself! Everyone has different ways of processing emotions and dealing with emotional trauma. Your definition of trauma may be completely different from someone else’s. Also, keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to process these big emotions, just be sure not to harm anyone through your personal grieving process.

Without further ado, here are the three steps on how to let go of the past. Note: they are in no particular order of importance.

 

1. Look at past obstacles as stepping stones to get you where you want to be and become who you want to be.

Yes, this means that we need to look at even the most traumatic events, but I’m about to teach you how important it is not to dwell on these aspects for long!

Some say that challenges make us stronger. After all, if everything in life were easy peasy, it wouldn’t make us very strong or give us much character, would it? More importantly, if we did live lives without any obstacles, our blessings and victories, big or small, would feel insignificant.

Without darkness, there is no light! Rebirth and transformation would also be non-existent, and there would be no such thing as striving to be our best selves. So, instead of looking at past obstacles with resentment and sadness, look upon them as necessary steps to get you where you need to be. Right here, right now.

It may not make any damn sense at the moment, but trust in the process and I assure you that things will eventually start to piece themselves together. I know it sounds cliché, but try to do the next right thing, whatever that may be and take everything one step at a time.

2. When telling others your “Zero to Hero Journey,” don’t dwell long on your obstacles!

As someone who has dealt with a great deal of trauma in my past, some of which was self-inflicted, I now realize that the pain and suffering may have become so familiar that it was almost comforting. After all, I used to have the “the pain was always there when no one else was,” attitude which was totally unhealthy.

Pain and suffering are NOT comforting, and I assure you that once you experience even the slightest bit of peace from taking the steps necessary to let go of your past, it will be much more powerful and refreshing.

Don’t focus on the negative parts of your past for very long and if you do, be sure to mention that those times are over and done with and you are (hopefully) in a much better place than you were at that time. And if you’re not in a good spot in life right now, look at it this way: you’re here reading this article which means that you are taking the steps you need to take back your life and live it to the fullest.

Seriously. Give yourself a high-five. Again, I realize this sounds so cliché but I gotta mention these “small”, yet powerful things that you may not give yourself credit for!

Why don’t I suggest you dwell long or at all on past trials and tribulations?

There are a few different takes I’ve had on this recently:

1.) The Law Of Assumption

You don’t want to sink into “toxic positivity” where you feel you have to think positive ALL THE TIME or something bad will happen. Some people’s experience with the Law Of Attraction has led them down a path of what’s called, “toxic positivity” in that they’re so obsessed with their thoughts and the “vibes” that they’re putting out into the Universe, that they are afraid of thinking ANYTHING bad in fear that they will cause themselves misfortune.

The Law of Assumption in a nutshell is whatever you believe to be true, is true for you in your reality.

In other words, just because you bring up something negative that’s happened in your past, it doesn’t mean that it will affect your present if you decide it won’t. You call the shots! I honestly prefer this “law” over the LOA for this reason. We are such powerful creatures and our minds are one hell of a drug. Use this to your advantage and make your OWN laws of the Universe!

So, all you have to do is say, “NOTHING negative manifests in my life.” or “NONE of my negative thoughts ever manifest in my life.” Do this, and it’ll be so. Sounds too simple to be true, right? Give it a try and let me know how it works out for you. I know from personal experience and from my best friend that this way of thinking, just BELIEVING makes it your reality.

Pretty heavy shit, huh?

2.) The Law of Attraction

So, I feel a bit torn on most people’s interpretation of the Law of Attraction. There are so many bullshit rules like:

• You have to keep your vibration at a certain level to attract good things into your life
• When you want to manifest you can’t start off your affirmations with, “I want” because this is reminding yourself that you don’t have what you want, therefore you’re living in lack.
• Don’t think about anything negative or you’ll manifest it/don’t allow your vibration to drop or you’ll attract loss

I personally now think all this is horseshit after having a very deep conversation with one of the smartest human beings I know, my very best friend and soulmate. She helped me come to the conclusion that we get to make our own fucking rules as to how shit manifests into our lives. It doesn’t have to be so complicated or specific. STOP OVERTHINKING!

You don’t have to piss on a penny while doing a handstand to manifest your dream life. I have absolutely no idea where that last sentence came from but it’s off the top of my head and I rolled with it. All you have to do is BELIEVE that you are going to get what you need and circumstances are going to work out in your favor to manifest your wildest dreams.

I shit you not, it’s this easy.

3. Step number three in how to let go of your past: Work on forgiveness and letting go of resentment, especially towards your present and former selves.

It is vital to remember that resentment is the number one offender, meaning that holding resentment and allowing others to rent space in your head rent-free only holds you back, not them. You’ll feel a sense of relief when you practice the art of forgiveness. This way, you can honestly move forward without having any emotional ties to your past.

Scientific evidence shows that when we practice the art of forgiveness, it can have a huge impact on our health, even going as far as helping heal disease. I think it’s incredible just how strong our minds are. The human mind is one hell of a drug!

Also, remember that when you forgive someone you feel has wronged you, this is not excusing their behavior or condoning it; you forgive them for yourself, for your peace of mind. For example, when you forgive someone, you kick them out of your head, no longer allowing them to hold you back or make you feel any shitty, draining emotions.

The art of forgiveness can be accomplished through this simple practice:

This option works wonders because I have practiced it myself during my meditation sessions. I’ve created my spinoff to Vishen Lakihani’s 6 Phase Meditation section, “Forgiveness.” It can be pretty intense as I have still held some pretty big resentments towards a handful of people from my past that I no longer associate with. I realized these people were still playing a significant role in my life because I was resenting them.

Picture whoever you hold resentment toward in front of you so that they can apologize to you and vice versa. You must start this step by practicing forgiveness towards people and things that are easier to forgive. As time moves on and you realize how easy it is to forgive, move on to the more challenging incidents.

1.) Sit down in a quiet space, preferably while everyone is asleep or during a time you will not be disturbed.

Be sure you are comfortable and not feeling tense.

2.) Take a few minutes to breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth.

As you breathe in, feel your chest rise and as you exhale through your mouth, feel your chest fall back down to rest. Do this until you feel at ease and your mind feels less busy. If this doesn’t work for you and your mind still feels busy, I promise it’s okay! Some people don’t get meditation the first twenty times they try it. I don’t believe there is a wrong way to meditate as long as you’re trying. When you feel more at ease, continue to the next step.

3.) Picture whoever it is that you hold resentment for across from you. Now without overthinking, say, “I forgive you. I hope you forgive me, too.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone. You’re asking me to ask the person who did me wrong to forgive me, too?! You’re out of your mind! I’ve done nothing to them!” I get where you’re coming from because I had a hell of a time practicing this exercise at first as well. Like hell, I was going to apologize to some neurotic, selfish, evil person. Not in this lifetime.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized that we are all one, and when it comes down to it, we are all connected on a much deeper level. I believe that having any negative feeling against someone else comes back to you, which is why you must rid yourself of these negative charges by apologizing to whomever you have resentment. Make sense? If not, leave this part out for now. It’ll make more sense later.

4.) Then, imagine this person forgiving you.

Picture forgiveness as whatever color means to love and embodies positivity. In my experience, I picture the color green for my heart chakra. See the forgiveness traveling towards you until it penetrates your heart chakra. Feel the warmth and relief of forgiveness. Realize that forgiveness is much easier than you imagined.

5.) Most importantly, picture yourself forgiving this person.

Picture any hate, rage, and self-destructive emotions as you breathe in and as you breathe out, say, “I forgive you.” As you breathe out and are forgiving them, picture these nasty emotions flowing out of you, but as they do, they transform into positive, healing emotions. Transform these negative emotions into positive ones and release them back into the Universe.

Make this short and sweet, or practice this for as long as you see fit, but repeat until you feel a sense of relief and inner peace. You may not accomplish this during the first few sessions, but please keep trying. Remember to start with easier situations and people to forgive and work your way up to the more intense resentments. I assure you that inner peace and forgiveness are just around the corner.

Another person to forgive to let go of your past: yourself as well as your former self.

 

One thing that I find most people struggle with is forgiving their own wrongs from their past. I can relate, as I cringe at the thought of who I used to be a few years ago. We all react to different situations in different ways and if we are triggered, then surely we are going to lash out or do things we wouldn’t normally do. We aren’t born “bad” people. We learn how to become shitty people from whoever raised us and influenced us the most as children. Am I placing the blame entirely on our caregivers? Absolutely not, but what I’m saying is it goes both ways.

A very strong and effective way to master forgiveness of your former self is to say:

“That is NOT me, that will NEVER BE ME AGAIN, because —.” Put whatever you want in the blank space such as, “I know better and am choosing to do better.” Or, “I am a stronger, smarter person now.”

Or, better yet, “That’s never who I truly was. I only acted out in certain ways because of —.”

Most importantly, be easy on yourself. Forgive your present self. You’ve come a long way, especially if you’re here reading this, so give yourself a high five for even wanting to better yourself and let go of the past. Most people don’t even attempt to do so. You did the best you could at that time with what knowledge you had. Now that you know better, you can do better. Simple as that.

I hope this brief article has helped someone wrap their head around how to let go of the past!

Please feel free to comment below and let me know how this worked or didn’t work for you. Don’t forget to subscribe and like my Facebook and Pinterest pages as well!

Much love and light,

Marilynn.